The great source of terror to infancy is solitude.

Little E. was such a wonderfully well behaved girl today, even though she was not feeling up to par, what with her new teeth thinking about coming in. Granted, they've been thinking about it since she was about two months old. It's damn well near time I say.

But yes, very well behaved. So happy and content. She was carried on my hip for an hour in her sling. Happy to be seeing all that she could see. Trying out her new sounds she's just learned, and using those new facial expressions too. Soon thereafter when I could see her scrub her face into my boob, I took her out of her sling for a quick giggle, and then replaced her in a cradle hold so that she might sleep. This is the only time that Little E. likes to be unable to see things, including me.

All she needs is my boob, movement from my walking and breathing, and the security of being close to mommy. My own mother tells me that I am spoiling my child. I think my own mother is full of baloney.

Little E. also this evening decided to try out her other new trick. Only, she modified it. Instead of rolling from back to front, she decided to give front to back a go. Settling on her back with a start, she took to quivering her bottom lip. Reassuring her, I placed her back in her starting position. Things were right as rain in the world of Little E. again.

Mermaids are chanting the wild lorelie

Excuse typos for the time being. I promise I have a good reason.

I'm sitting in our room now just after having finished bathing, massaging and feeding little E, listening to Toora Loora Loral (which is her last night time lullaby.) I had my hand on the top side of her bassinet, giving her her minute settle down rock, because like most babies she tends to startle when laid down, when next thing I know, I felt little fingers brushed up against my hand. I thought nothing of it and paid it no mind. It is bed time. If I look over then I'll be sucked in by my mooshy insides to pick her up and let her fall asleep on me.

So, if you will, imagine me mustering up all my "I must be a firm mommy at bed time" energy. Chest puffed out, eyes straight ahead.

And then that's when it happened ...



Those little fingers that had moments ago brushed against mine, we now firmly holding mine.

I think I turned into a puddle instantly. It probably seems so silly to someone else, but I bet that's because I'm really trying to describe an indescribable moment. How could you know what I mean, unless you've experienced it yourself? Like all things I suppose.

My eyes watered and my heart swelled. I was overwhelmed. It was like an injection I never got, but had the effects of taking over. This is what they talk about. This is that really pure love that they say you can only get from animals and children.

This really really, great big wonderful thing, and I've got it. Right next to me. Sleeping soundly with her lovey baby Toots.



I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Stories by the window

I think little E. has hit a growth spurt. Makes sense, she's almost six months. It just seems she can never settle properly and is so frustrated and tired. It's horrible knowing that she's tired, but just can't seem to give in. Or when she does, she'll wake up shortly after being laid down.

She is usually a fantastic sleeper. Maybe it's the growth spurt? Or the teeth she has coming in? Or the warm muggy weather? Quite possibly, it's all of the above. I just feel so bad for her.

All the same, little E. had a good day. She'll push up on her arms and try getting to her knees. Digging in her toes for all she's worth. Instead of going up, she eventually rotates herself. No real rolling yet but I'm not at all worried. It's something she'll get to if she wants to. It's not like she needs to roll around for the rest of her life.

Oh and she's certainly found her voice now. We have daily conversations. Well, it's more like daily squealing and yelling conversations. The more I squawk and "yell" the more she does. I'm the only she will currently do this for. It's hard not to say that I don't enjoy that.

Here's to hoping her tomorrow finds her feeling well rested and more herself than today.

I'll always be right here

At the time of posting this, my daughter has been asleep since eight pm. It is now 12am. That means she has been sleeping for four hours. She will most likely sleep until 8am tomorrow morning. I have been incredibly spoiled by this child and her amazing sleeping habits.

Soon she'll be six months old. It's hard to believe that time has gone by so fast. I know that everyone says that one cliche thing about time going fast when kids are involved, but I don't think I believed it as much as I do now that I have my own.

She was so small when she was born. Just a little five pounds at 35weeks. But now at almost six months she's a whole healthy 15lbs even. She got the most delightfully chubby legs. That's not even mentioning the cheeks of awesomeness she's got.

Today we were learning how to yell more. We'll have conversations over a game of tug a war with a wash cloth. These are my favourite moments in entire days. My world for her chuckle.

But now that it's closer to tomorrow, I think I'll end my today sleeping (okay I mean looking fondly) over the side of her bassinet for a few minutes. Just quietly being amazed that ... dude, I created that.